TITLE: "Meant to
SPOILERS: Never Again, Emily, The End, The Ghosts That Stole Christmas. This story takes place in the 6th season, after The Ghosts That Stole Christmas but before any other episode of the season. Sort of an alternate universe.
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully romance, babyfic, Alternate Universe.
ARCHIVE: Go ahead and do it with my blessing.
SUMMARY: A night in a motel on a case leads to an unexpected surprise. Written in
Scully first-person POV.
DISCLAIMER: Mine? As if.
AUTHORS NOTES: Ok, ok, you can yell at me here. I wrote a true "babyfic", but Im a
sap at heart and this probably shows my true sappiness. J I got this idea one night and it wouldnt go away. So I opened my word processor and let it free. ::crossing fingers::
"Meant to Be?"
It happened. Yes, it happened. What might you ask is it? Thats the question Ive
been asking myself for the last two hours. The question Ive been asking myself over and over again as I pace the worn, light blue carpet of yet another motel room.
Yes, a motel room. Of all places why did it happen in a motel room? Ive never
pictured "this" happening in a motel room. But exactly how did I picture it? Differently?
I did "it" with Mulder. There I said it. Not that it was so hard to say, it was just
hard to believe. Not that I didnt want it, I wanted it more than anything. Maybe I was a
little out of practice, the closest Ive gotten to getting laid was Ed Jerse. Getting laid? Is that what I just said? What I had this time was not "getting laid." At least thats not how I would describe it. It was sex. Well, technically it was sex, but it was more.
Six years we have been partners. Fox Mulder has gone through many women, at
least Ive heard. Yet he was a gentlemen with me. Never touched me. At first in the
back of my mind I thought something was wrong with me. Of course I never got close
enough for him to "touch" at first. Distant, thats me. Dana Katherine Scully, distant
He came into my room tonight. It was obvious neither one of us expected what
would come. Were on a case. Stupid background check assigned by Kersh. This check brought us to a small town in Ohio, checking up a tanker trunk driver. Nothing unusual was happening. It was a routine check really. Our first case after the night we had in the "house" on Christmas Eve. Though that night should have brought us closer, it did though not the way most people would expect it to do. I couldnt sleep and ended up dragging my butt to Mulders door at an ungodly hour, his present tucked behind my
back. And we did talk. But not really that much. I never did believe what happened that night and it still baffles me. Yes something baffles Dana Scully. It happens.
We were done with the check, and all ready to leave first thing in the morning.
The flight was set for 9:32 a.m. On more night in the cheap motel and we would be out of here. Go back to playing solitaire on the computer waiting for as Mulder would put it, "a real assignment" to come along. Then something happened.
It was simple really. We had gone back to the motel and I decided to talk a walk.
Our case might have taken us to a small little town, but it was a small quaint little town
and the sky was clear, and the weather was not that cold, for January. So I grabbed my
coat and walked out.
A small town and a quiet walk. Lots of time to think. But I was tired of thinking,
it was tiring. I walked past a small park filled with children.
Children. I should have walked right past it, I should have. Christmas had just
passed and thoughts of Emily were still in my head. I should have just walked by, but I
didnt. I stopped and watched the children laughing and playing and I didnt feel sad, I
just felt empty. Barren. Lost.
As if enchanted I watched them. Watching as they pushed each other on the
swings and slid down the long slide. Watched as they tied their shoelaces, watched as
they called for their parents.
And I was fine. I really was. No tears, just enchantment. Until I saw her.
A little girl about four years old, right by me. She had gotten her coat caught on
the fence. I reached over to help her and she looked at me. Her blond hair fell just short of her shoulder, her thick bangs covered her forehead. Her eyes seemed to look through the very face of my soul.
I freed her coat from the fence yet her eyes were still on me in an eerie yet
"Emily!" I heard a woman call. Her mother. I looked back at the girl. Her name
was Emily. I felt tear threaten to make themselves known. In that split second it all comes back, Emily, last Christmas, everything. I quickly walk away from the crowd, not wanting them to see the tears in my face.
I practically ran back to the motel, not knowing why I feel like this. Why cant I
get past this? Shes dead.
I reached the motel, and made a dash for my room. I was going to lose it. This
isnt supposed to happen. What happened to my control? What happened to hiding my feelings?
I had almost reached the door when Mulder decided to walk out of his room at
that same moment. He saw my face.
Mulder can be an idiot sometimes. He can run off and leave me. He can have no
thoughts for my feelings, sometimes. Yet he can also be incredibly sweet. And caring.
And tonight was one of those moments.
Im not sure what happened next. Maybe it was because I was vulnerable, maybe it
was something else. I felt like it was one of those romance novels. I told him about the
park and tried not to let him see me cry. I dont why I didnt want Mulder to see me cry,
but I just didnt. But the tears couldnt hide themselves, they came out like a river.
Then everything happened so fast. Before I knew it, Mulder was in my room and
we did "it." And neither of us said anything. We just looked at each other.
"Scully," Mulder had started, and I suddenly felt cold under the blankets. Not the
kind of physical cold, but an empty cold. I had sex with Mulder. My partner. I looked at him, not knowing what to say and unsure what he would say. What could we say? We had just done something that neither of us knew what to say about.
It wasnt that I didnt want it. I just didnt want it the way it happened I guess.
The truth was I probably wanted it more than I knew. But both of us didnt know what to
I didnt respond. Mulder obviously took it for a bad sign. "Im sorry," he
muttered, "this was a mistake." He dashed out of the room to his own. I wanted to stop him to tell it wasnt a mistake, but I didnt. Maybe it was because I wasnt sure if it
_wasnt_ a mistake.
That was two hours ago.
Now Im in my motel room, alone. Mulder and I have not spoken to each other in
that time. Ive taken up pacing, its a good form of exercise. Better than that Ab Roller.
My suitcase was packed and yet it was still only 7 p.m. at night. Any look toward the bed reminded me of Mulder. Of "it."
Would this change us? Of course it would, I told myself. The last thing I needed
now was to ask myself stupid questions. Mulder is, well maybe was, my best friend. I
cared for him deeply, he was, hell still is, my life. Life. A simple word. He runs off
and does crazy things. He has people after him and trouble follows him everywhere. Yet he is my life. How boring and mundane my life would be if I didnt have him. Sure I
could leave the FBI, and go for that "family way of life" but then I wouldnt have him, my
Did I just say my Mulder? I sat down on the bed, for the first time not feeling
uncomfortable as I did, and thought that over. The pangs of jealousy I felt when Diana
came along, how I felt she was taking _my Mulder_.
Is he really _my Mulder_? I shift positions on the bed, and listen to the silence that
surrounds me. All of a sudden it seems to hit me. I had sex with Mulder.
Yes, I said that already, I know, but this time it really seemed to hit home. My
partner, my best friend, and one action had changed it all for us.
I love Mulder, I do. I know, Ive known that. And he loves me back. Its an
unspoken line of communication between us. But our love was one that never had to be
expressed in words, it was just there. It had been there for awhile. But we never admitted it, we never made a move. We were partners, friends. We had each other and for now that was all we needed. But after tonight, who knows.
I eventually fell asleep that night, though Im not sure when or how. I fell asleep
listening to the sounds of Mulder pacing in the next room. And I was lost. I had no idea what to do or say.
My dreams were vivid that night, in bright brilliant color. They seemed almost
surreal. It was if my brain had decided to go on rewind; my dreams that night were all of
moments past, cases and situations that Mulder and I could have found romance, but
never did. Quiet moments where unspoken words were all that passed between us.
Where feelings mattered and words just got in the way.
I woke with a start that morning, staring at the digital clock beside my bed. 6:48.
I stared at the clock for awhile watching the numbers change from 6:48 to 6:49 to 6:50.
At 6:51 I heard Mulder wake, thanks to the paper thin walls of this cheap motel.
As soon as I heard him, the urge to get away from the wall suddenly came. I
quickly dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom, turning on the shower so the
water would drown out the sounds of the room next door.
For the next hour I stayed in the bathroom, telling myself I was just getting ready,
but knowing that I really was avoiding going into my room to hear Mulder or going
outside and having to face him.
But as I ran a brush through my newly dried hair, I knew I would have to face him.
We would have to talk about this. Or would we? In the back of my mind I had a strange
idea that maybe we could forget this and go back to the way we were. I kept convincing
myself it could happen. It made me feel better to tell my heart a lie, but my mind knew.
The sensible part of my mind knew.
It argued with me. Telling me things could never go back to the way they were.
Then my heart seemed to join in. Do you want it to go back to the way it was? You can build on this.
Build on this? Was I fooling myself? I let Mulder leave my room last night
thinking what we did was a mistake. I myself wasnt sure if that thought wasnt exactly
false. And my heart tells me to build on this. Youve been watching too many romance
I finally step out of the bathroom and glance at the clock. 7:56. We have to get
the airport if we want to make our flight. Then another sense of dread hits me. The drive to airport. The drive that was going to be twenty minutes at least.
Could two people who just slept with each other say nothing to each other on a
car ride that would last twenty minutes at least?
Well, you will soon find out. I put the remaining things in my suitcase and just as I
was closing it, I heard a knock at the door.
"Scully?" comes a tentative voice. Mulder. "We have to get going." His voice is
uncertain and somewhat distant.
I pick up my suitcase and grab my coat. I open the door to find Mulder outside of
it, his own bag in his hand, the other hand clutching car keys. Our eyes meet yet we say nothing. Nothing. Finally Mulder turns his eyes away from mine and begins to walk toward the car. I follow trying to concentrate on nothing else but the sound of our
footsteps on the gravel. Sounds echo around me, the birds, the wind. My eyes continue to watch our feet as they walk.
It seems like a lifetime, though I know its only about 15 seconds, but we finally
reach the car. Oh God, if I think 15 seconds is a lifetime, how will I deal with the hours to come?
We got into the car without a word. Mulder had thrown our bags into the trunk
and started the car. We were on our way. And thats how it stayed. For the next twenty minutes complete quiet. It was so quiet that when my purse fell off the seat it seemed to deafen us both. Our eyes caught at that moment, but we turned away. Went back to our code of silence.
The silence continued when we reached the airport. The only words we spoke
were the necessary ones, like "you sure you have the tickets?" and "dont forget to check your bag."
It seemed as if fate didnt want us to talk either. The flight we had was packed.
We didnt sit together; in fact we were two rows away from each other. It was probably
best, for now at least. I didnt know what to say to him, and I was sure he didnt know
what to say to me.
I looked out my window staring at the blue sky. I frowned at its false appearance.
Not everythings sunshine. As the plane began to move I gripped my seat and turned to
my right. Usually Mulder was there to grip my hand and distract me. This time he was
two rows back physically. Emotionally he was a lot farther away. And as I gripped my
armrest tighter I realized I might have lost the best friend I had in the whole world. And
that scared me most of all.
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